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Post by Shindou on Sept 2, 2008 21:52:52 GMT -5
AVENUE Q ACT I
THE AVENUE Q THEME
COMPANY: Do do do Ba da ba Do do do Ba da ba Wah! The sun is shining, It's a lovely day, A perfect morning For a kid to play, But you're got lots Of bills to pay - What can you do?
Your work real hard And the pay's real low And ev'ry hour Goes oh, so slow And at the end of the day There's no where to go But home to Avenue Q! You live on Avenue Q! You're friends do too. You are twenty-two And you live on Avenue Q! You live on Avenue Q You live on Avenue Q
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Post by Shindou on Sept 2, 2008 22:04:23 GMT -5
WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A B.A. IN ENGLISH?
PRINCETON: What do you do with a B.A. in English, What is my life going to be? Four years of college and plenty of knowledge, Have earned me this useless degree.
I can't pay the bills yet, 'Cause I have no skills yet, The world is a big scary place.
But somehow I can't shake, The feeling I might make, A difference, To the human race.[/center]
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Post by Shindou on Sept 2, 2008 22:42:19 GMT -5
IT SUCKS TO BE ME
KATE MONSTER Morning, Brian!
BRIAN Hi, Kate Monster.
KATE MONSTER How's life?
BRIAN Disappointing!
KATE MONSTER What's the matter?
BRIAN The catering company laid me off.
KATE MONSTER Oh, I'm sorry!
BRIAN Me too! I mean, look at me! I'm ten years out of college, and I always thought--
KATE MONSTER What?
BRIAN No, it sounds stupid.
KATE MONSTER Aww, come on!
BRIAN When I was little I thought I would be...
KATE MONSTER What?
BRIAN A big comedian on late night TV But now I'm thirty-two And as you can see I'm not
KATE MONSTER Nope!
BRIAN Oh well It sucks to be me
KATE MONSTER No!
BRIAN It sucks to be me.
KATE MONSTER No...
BRIAN It sucks to be broke and unemployed and turning thirty-three. It sucks to be me.
KATE MONSTER Oh, you think your life sucks?
BRIAN I think so.
KATE MONSTER Your problems aren't so bad! I'm kinda pretty And pretty damn smart.
BRIAN You are.
KATE MONSTER Thanks! I like romantic things Like music and art. And as you know I have a gigantic heart So why don't I have A boyfriend? Fuck! It sucks to be me!
BRIAN Me too!
KATE MONSTER It sucks to be me!
BRIAN It sucks to be me! It sucks to be Brian.
KATE MONSTER And Kate.
BRIAN To not have a job!
KATE MONSTER To not have a date!
BOTH It sucks to be me.
(Enter ROD and NICKY, arguing)
BRIAN Hey, Rod, Nicky, can you settle something for us? Do you have a second?
ROD Ah, certainly.
KATE MONSTER Whose life sucks more, Brian's or mine?
NICKY AND ROD Ours!
ROD We live together.
NICKY We're as close As people can get.
ROD We've been the best of buddies...
NICKY Ever since the Day we met.
ROD So he knows lots Of ways to make me Really upset. Oh, every day is An aggravation.
NICKY Come on, that's an exaggeration!
ROD You leave your clothes out. You put your feet On my chair.
NICKY Oh yeah? You do such anal Things like ironing Your underwear.
ROD You make that very Small apartment We share a hell.
NICKY So do you, That's why I'm in hell too!
ROD It sucks to be me!
NICKY No, it sucks to be me!
KATE MONSTER It sucks to be me!
BRIAN It sucks to be me!
ALL Is there anybody here It doesn't suck to be? It sucks to be me!
(CHRISTMAS EVE enters)
CHRISTMAS EVE Why you all so happy?
NICKY Becuase our lives suck!
CHRISTMAS EVE You think your lives suck? I hearing you correctly? Ha! I coming to this country For opportunities. Tried to work in Korean deli But I am Japanese. But with hard work I earn two Master's Degrees In social work! And now I a therapist! But I have no clients And I have an Unemployed fiance'! And we have lots Of bills to pay! It suck to be me! It suck to be me! I say it Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka- Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka- Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka- Suck! It suck to be me!
(PRINCETON enters, looking for an apartment)
PRINCETON Excuse me?
BRIAN Hey there.
PRINCETON Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a place to live.
CHRISTMAS EVE Why you looking all the way out here?
PRINCETON Well, I started at Avenue A, but so far everything is out of my price range. But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper! Oh, and look - a "For Rent" sign!
BRIAN You need to talk to the superintendent. Let me get him.
PRINCETON Great, thanks!
BRIAN Yo, Gary!
GARY COLEMAN I'm comin'! I'm comin'!
PRINCETON Oh my God! It's Gary Coleman!
GARY COLEMAN Yes I am! I'm Gary Coleman From TV's Diff'rent Strokes I made a lotta money That got stolen By my folks! Now I'm broke and I'm the butt Of everyone's jokes, But I'm here - The Superintendent! Of Avenue Q -
ALL (except GARY) It sucks to be you.
KATE MONSTER You win!
ALL It sucks to be you.
BRIAN I feel better now!
GARY COLEMAN Try having people stopping you to ask you "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?" It gets old.
ALL It sucks to be you On Avenue Q (Sucks to be me) On Avenue Q (Sucks to be you) On Avenue Q (Sucks to be us) But not when We're together. We're together Here on Avenue Q! We live on Avenue Q! Our friends do too! 'Til our dreams Come true, We live on Avenue Q!
PRINCETON This is real life!
ALL We live on Avenue Q!
NICKY You're gonna love it!
ALL We live on Avenue Q!
GARY COLEMAN Here's your keys!
ALL Welcome to Avenue Q!
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Post by Shindou on Sept 2, 2008 23:11:01 GMT -5
IF YOU WERE GAY
ROD Aah, an afternoon alone with My favorite book, "Broadway Musicals of the 1940s." No roommate to bother me. How could it get any better than this?
NICKY Oh, hi Rod!
ROD Hi Nicky.
NICKY Hey Rod, you'll never Guess what happened to Me on the subway this morning. This guy was smiling at me and talking to me
ROD That's very interesting.
NICKY He was being real friendly, And I think he was coming on to me. I think he might've thought I was gay!
ROD Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this? Why should I care? I don't care. What did you have for lunch today?
NICKY Oh, you don't have to get All defensive about it, Rod...
ROD I am not getting defensive! What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay? I'm trying to read.
NICKY Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod. I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.
ROD I don't want to talk about it, Nicky! This conversation is over!
NICKY Yeah, but...
ROD OVER!
NICKY Well, okay, but just so you know — If you were gay, That'd be okay. I mean, 'cause hey, I'd like you anyway. Because, you see, If it were me, I would feel free to say that I was gay! (But I'm not gay!)
ROD Nicky, please! I am trying to read.... What?!
NICKY If you were queer,
ROD Agh, Nicky!
NICKY I'd still be here.
ROD Nicky, I'm trying to read this book.
NICKY Year after year.
ROD Nicky!
NICKY Because you're dear to me.
ROD Argh!
NICKY And I know that you...
ROD What?
NICKY ...would accept me too,
ROD I would?
NICKY If I told you today: "Hey, guess what! I'm gay! (But I'm not gay!) I'm happy just being with you.
ROD High Button Shoes, Pal Joey...
NICKY So, what should it matter to me What you do in bed with guys?
ROD Nicky, that's GROSS!
NICKY No it's not! If you were gay, I'd shout hooray!
ROD I am not listening!
NICKY And here I'd stay...
ROD La la la la la!
NICKY But I wouldn't Get in your way.
ROD Aaaah!
NICKY You can count on me To always be Beside you ev'ry day, To tell you it's okay, You were just born that way, And as they say, It's in your D.N.A., You're gay!
ROD I AM NOT GAY!
NICKY (If you were gay!)
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Post by Shindou on Sept 2, 2008 23:28:26 GMT -5
PURPOSE PRINCETON Purpose, It's that little flame That lights a fire under your ass. Purpose, It keeps you going strong Like a car with a full tank of gas. Ev'ryone else has a purpose So, what's mine? Oh, look! Here's a penny! It's from the year I was born! It's a sign! Ba ba ba ba Doo doo doo doo doo. I don't know how I know, But I'm gonna find My purpose. I don't know where I'm gonna look, But I'm gonna find My purpose. Gotta find out. Don't wanna wait. Got to make sure That my life will be great! Gotta find my purpose Before it's too late!
MOVING BOXES (He's gonna find his purpose!)
PRINCETON Whoa, whoa, I'm gonna find my purpose!
MOVING BOXES (overlapping) (He's gonna find his purpose! Maybe more... At a job, or smoking grass Pottery class Would be cool... Yes it could! Something good! You're gonna find your purpose... Gotta find your purpose... Purpose is a mystery. Gotta find it! You're gonna find Your purpose Whoa, whoa, whoa... You're gonna find Your purpose Whoa, whoa, whoa...)
PRINCETON (overlapping) Yeah, yeah, yeah... I'm gonna find my purpose! Could be far, could be near. Could take a week, a month, a year. At a job, or smokin' grass Maybe at a pottery class. Could it be? Yes it could! Somethin's comin', Somethin' good! I'm gonna find my purpose, yeah! Whoa, whoa! I'm gonna find it! What will it be? Where will it be? My purpose in life is a mystery! Gotta find my purpose. Gotta find me! Whoa, whoa, I'm gonna find my purpose! Purpose! Purpose! Purpose! Yeah, yeah! I gotta find me! [/color]
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Post by Shindou on Sept 2, 2008 23:41:21 GMT -5
EVERYONE'S A LITTLE BIT RACIST
PRINCETON Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?
KATE MONSTER Sure!
PRINCETON Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?
KATE MONSTER Uh huh?
PRINCETON Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster.
KATE MONSTER Right.
PRINCETON You're both Monsters.
KATE MONSTER Yeah.
PRINCETON Are you two related?
KATE MONSTER What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!
PRINCETON Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!
KATE MONSTER Well, it's a touchy subject. No, not all Monsters are related. What are you trying say, huh? That we all look the same to you? Huh, huh, huh?
PRINCETON No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist.
KATE MONSTER I should say so. You should be much more careful when you're talking about the sensitive subject of race.
PRINCETON Well, look who's talking!
KATE MONSTER What do you mean?
PRINCETON What about that special Monster School you told me about?
KATE MONSTER What about it?
PRINCETON Could someone like me go there?
KATE MONSTER No, we don't want people like you-
PRINCETON You see?! You're a little bit racist.
KATE MONSTER Well, you're a little bit too.
PRINCETON I guess we're both a little bit racist.
Kate Monster: Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...
Princeton: But I guess it's true.
Kate Monster: Between me and you, I think
Both: Everyone's a little bit racist Sometimes. Doesn't mean we go Around committing hate crimes. Look around and you will find No one's really color blind. Maybe it's a fact We all should face Everyone makes judgments Based on race.
Princeton: Now not big judgments, like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from -
Kate Monster: No!
Princeton: No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!
Kate Monster: Right!
Both: Everyone's a little bit racist Today. So, everyone's a little bit racist Okay! Ethinic jokes might be uncouth, But you laugh because They're based on truth. Don't take them as Personal attacks. Everyone enjoys them - So relax!
Princeton: All right, stop me if you've heard this one.
Kate Monster: Okay!
Princeton: There's a plan going down and there's only one paracute. And there's a rabbi, a priest...
Kate Monster: And a black guy!
Gary Coleman: Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?
Kate Monster: Uh...
Gary Coleman: You were telling a black joke!
Princeton: Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes.
Gary Coleman: I don't.
Princeton: Well, of course you don't - you're black! But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?
Gary Coleman: Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks!
Princeton: Now, don't you think that's a little racist?
Gary Coleman: Well, damn, I guess you're right.
Kate Monster: You're a little bit racist.
Gary Coleman: Well, you're a little bit too.
Princeton: We're all a little bit racist.
Gary Coleman: I think that I would Have to agree with you.
Princeton/Kate Monster: We're glad you do.
Gary Coleman: It's sad but true! Everyone's a little bit racist -
All right!
Kate Monster: All right!
Princeton: All right!
Gary Coleman: All right! Bigotry has never been Exclusively white
All: If we all could just admit That we are racist a little bit, Even though we all know That it's wrong, Maybe it would help us Get along.
Princeton: Oh, Christ do I feel good.
Gary Coleman: Now there was a fine upstanding black man!
Princeton: Who?
Gary Coleman: Jesus Christ.
Kate Monster: But, Gary, Jesus was white.
Gary Coleman: No, Jesus was black.
Kate Monster: No, Jesus was white.
Gary Coleman: No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-
Princeton: Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish!
Brian: Hey guys, what are you laughing about?
Gary Coleman: Racism!
Brian: Cool.
Christmas Eve: BRIAN! Come back here! You take out lecycuraburs!
Princeton: What's that mean?
Brian: Um, recyclables. Hey, don't laugh at her! How many languages do you speak?
Kate Monster: Oh, come off it, Brian! Everyone's a little bit racist.
Brian: I'm not!
Princeton: Oh no?
Brian: Nope!
How many Oriental wives Have you got?
Christmas Eve: What? Brian!
Princeton: Brian, buddy, where you been? The term is Asian-American!
Christmas Eve: I know you are no Intending to be But calling me Oriental - Offensive to me!
Brian: I'm sorry, honey, I love you.
Christmas Eve: And I love you.
Brian: But you're racist, too.
Christmas Eve: Yes, I know. The Jews have all The money And the whites have all The power. And I'm always in taxi-cab With driver who no shower!
Princeton: Me too!
Kate Monster: Me too!
Gary Coleman: I can't even get a taxi!
All: Everyone's a little bit racist It's true. But everyone is just about As racist as you! If we all could just admit That we are racist a little bit, And everyone stopped being So PC Maybe we could live in - Harmony!
Christmas Eve: Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist! [/center]
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